Human Resources - a Sketch

“Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under communism, it’s the other way around.”  Alfred E. Neuman, MAD Magazine, ca. 1960. 

I had this idea some years ago for a sketch – not a comic sketch, but something that people may take as the setup for a comic situation, but which soon reveals itself to be something else entirely.  Perhaps it would go well on Saturday Night Live, something along the lines of what they’ve done occasionally, a little more pointed.  I remember Steve Martin’s “What the Hell is That?”, a really brilliant sketch without a comic punch anywhere – existential, I guess, like Samuel Beckett.  And Eddie Murphy’s “White Like Me” and others, very smart, aimed at a lot more than just getting a few laughs out of the viewers.  I must admit that, living in Italy as I’ve done since 1996, it’s ages since I’ve seen SNL, so these references will be pretty dated!  But the point remains.  In other words, ”no longer funny”, to cite Lord Buckley, who spoke of humor that goes so far it comes out the other side.  I call the sketch “Human Resources”.  

It starts with an employee, Ed, in jacket and tie, approaching a door with a sign that says “Human Resources”.  With his hand on the doorknob, he hesitates a moment to look at the sign, with a look of some apprehension.  He then turns the knob and enters. 

It’s a typical, modern executive’s or manager’s office – a big desk with a leather chair behind it, and a chair or two facing the desk.  The Human Resources Director, Bill, also in jacket and tie, is sitting at his desk, with a few folders and papers in front of him, and a computer off to one side. 

Ed enters, and Bill stands up, comes around to the front of the desk and greets Ed with a firm handshake and an arm across his shoulders, addressing him by his first name, and inviting him to sit down.  They both sit down.  Bill speaks: 

“I’m so glad you could stop by, Ed.  I asked to come and talk to me because – well, you know why.  I have your letter of resignation here on my desk.  And I’m so sorry to realize you’re not happy working with us here.  I was really surprised, and disappointed, I have to admit.  Filled with doubt.  I asked myself, is it my fault somehow, some way I’ve failed?” 

Ed answers:  “Well, no, Bill, not at all.  You’ve been fine with me, more than fair, I really can’t complain.  And I like the work we do, too.  It’s just that – well, it’s been quite a few years for me here, and – well, I guess I’m just getting restless. I want to do something new, reinvent myself, you know what I mean?” 

“Sure I do, Ed, sure I do.  I get tired myself sometimes of the same old same old every day, year after year.  But – listen, Ed, I hate to say this, but – I think you’re overlooking the terms of your contract.  You can’t just up and leave.  You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?” 

Ed looks down at the floor, and takes on a discouraged air. “Yeah, I guess I do.” 

Bill goes on:  “I knew you’d understand, Ed – you’re a slave.  Like me.” 

The question remains, how do we assign the actors’ roles?  I’m flexible about this.  They could be of any ethnicity or gender - it really doesn’t matter.  The sketch has only to do with economic relations, with contracts.  The implicit reference to historical slavery comes only at the end, as the punch line of the sketch.  We’ve all heard mention of the “wage slavery” that effectively has kept (and still keeps) untold hundreds of millions in a sort of bondage even if they are not actually slaves in the legal sense.  (“I slave here forty hours a week, fifty weeks a year” – which would be an enviable situation for a real slave.)  And we keep hearing stories of the present day that regard people in virtual slavery.  Besides their contractual obligations (to which they are constrained because of the overwhelming power of the employer), employees in many occupations are subject to constant surveillance in the workplace.  I can’t help but feel that Big Brother is here - but not as an entity of the state, as we usually imagine him, but rather as an entity of business. 

Allen Schill, Feb. 2018, resumed Feb. 2023

Eyes montage from Metropolis, Fritz Lang’s classic film of 1927.  (The uppermost image, of the man crucified on the clock face/levers of production, is also from Metropolis.  Note that the clock shows ten hours, each of fifty minutes.

 A few lines from one of my favorite old songs, Traffic’s ”Shanghai Noodle Factory”:

People there were made of steel 

Tiny cogs in one big wheel 

Turning, never learning…..  

Villagers were plastic men 

Packed like roosters in a pen 

Crowing, never knowing…..

Still from Steve Cutts’ animation “Wake-Up Call”, 2014.

“Taylorism - An Industry Epoch”.  Experts of Ford Motors find ways to turn humans into mannikins, puppets, and robots, anything to maximize production and profits at the expense of the workers’ dignity and humanity.  Here they are making necessary adjustments for the new five-day work week.  (If you enjoy having a weekend, thank labor unions.)

Time-motion study carried out at the Central Institute of Labor, Soviet Union, 1923.

Kapitalismus, German political cartoon, ca.1900.  The bosses are literally wringing out every penny possible from their workers, treating them like old rags, while the starving poor stand outside the door and are abused by malignant spirits.

Alexander Samochwalow - Textilfabrik, 1929.

A diagram from the Soviet Union illustrating the most efficient way for a worker to carry out a task.  The elbow support is, I presume, to allow the worker to rest or steady his elbow as he works.

Limbourg Brothers, miniature painting, ca. 1400.  Note the months of the year and the days of the months, as well as astrological signs, in the upper section.  Life and labor were once regulated by nature.