Transparent Spiral (Collonus Flaccidus) - Hail to the Chief, Dec. 2024. 3.5 cm. diam. base x 13.0 x 8.0 cm. ht. (variable!). Heavy nylon fishing line wound in a spiral, resin. (id#1725)
This one wasn't quite what I had in mind, but in the end I decided it was a happy accident. The other spirals, made of metal, are all perky, stiff, erect, and if you rap one on the tabletop or give the spirals a tap, they will vibrate nicely for several seconds, like a plucked string on a bass fiddle. (I haven't tried to tickle them.) But this was made of a length of heavy fishing line, which just doesn't have the lasting rigidity of metal. It didn't take a nanosecond to see the comparison in sexual terms, thus the title Colonnus Flaccidus (which is not correct Latin for Flaccid Column, but it'll do). I immediately thought of the newly-elected US President Hump, who is a stupid, mean, egotistical, corpulent bag of offal, about the most flattering way I can describe him. But I suspect that these traits (which he has displayed his entire life, it seems) have only been exacerbated by the effect of age on his sexual potency, or usefulness to any partner, to put it another way. Some men just cant deal with "manopause", and they just get nasty. (Some take to booze, some buy sports cars and hope to pick up college girls, or boys. Better model trains, I say.) He might have tried some of the hydraulic-bionic stuff that Silvio Berlusconi, Signor Bunga-bunga, is said to have used. Since taking this photo, the coiled spring has retracted to its original length (about two inches max), and resembles nothing so much as the penis of a naked middle-aged man who has just climbed out of cold water. Before that - to prepare the piece for the photo - I tried the "lengthening exercise" of suspending the extremity of the spiral from a shelf and letting the weight of the resin base stretch it out. After five days or so, it was considerably longer, but (sadly) no stiffer. I really didn't hope for better, but soft is soft. So, guys, I would ignore those spurious advertisements that guarantee a gain of two to four inches. There's a song by Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes called, "It Ain't the Meat, It's the Motion", sung by their incredible bassman, which affirms that good loving isn't just a matter of large size.